This past Friday started out just fine but quickly turned into an inexcusable (New Jersey Word) show that, I must confess, threw me into an almost uncontrollable (note, I said ALMOST) rage for an entire day.

I started out with a simple medical test (spoiler alert- it’s all normal) at a wonderful Radiology office. I was treated like a VISP (Very Important Scared Person). Anyone going for a mysterious test of their innards is going to be scared, and this wonderful group of people treated me with the gentleness, warmth and kindness I hope all of you practice daily, personally AND PROFESSIONALY. Empathy and efficiency ruled in that office and I expressed my sincerest gratitude to the people who helped me. 

From there, things went sideways. 

I then proceeded to my not-so-local Motor Vehicles Office to renew my expired car registration. I couldn’t do it online because it is a leased vehicle. I was informed 3 weeks prior to this that my local DMV (or whatever alphabet soup it’s called these days) was not doing registration renewals and that I’d have to make an appointment at a DMV office 20 miles from my home…. Which I did. I arrived 15 minutes early, to have been greeted by a crowd and a friendly(?) armed guard who told me that they were running 30 minutes behind and that I’d have to wait outside with the rest of the crowd until my appointment time was called. Luckily, I (thought I) had filled out all the appropriate (?)forms online and proudly presented the paperwork to the customer service(?) agent with no undue(?) delays. Said agent quicky advised me that I need to go back to my dealer for a Power of Attorney Form and brusquely dismissed me and my wrong forms from his presence. So I waited three weeks to renew an expired registration, which I could not renew online because I never received the notice in the mail due to COVID shutting down the DMV. I was treated like an idiot ( a privilege, by the way, granted exclusively to my wife and kids and NO ONE ELSE), with no empathy at all.  I’ll keep it polite and say I was very frustrated and felt awful.

Next stop was the liquor store where we bought a large amount of wine and other beverages for my daughter’s wedding a few weeks ago. At the time of purchase, I was informed that I should not worry about overbuying, as I could return everything except the beer and hard liquor. Wrong again. I could not locate the receipt, but although they knew we bought the stuff there, the Assistant Manager denied knowing me and said that his hands were tied. In the age of computerized sales and inventory, there is zero excuse for this. 5 minutes of research and perhaps a call to a home office could have mitigated that problem easily. Once again, frustration and feeling like an idiot ruled the game 

Sadly, I allowed these latter two incidents to affect me the rest of the day. I was tired, grumpy, not at my best, and, as we say here in NJ, pi**ed off.  Gladly, I walked away from each of these latter two episodes quietly without attempting a confrontation which would have proven me right (to myself) and led me nowhere. Gladly, I found a lesson in all of this. 

We need to have systems and policies in place for our offices to function. But can anyone come up with a reason that these policies cannot REQUIRE human kindness, empathy for frustration, and perhaps a smile and a word of encouragement? Better yet, can a system include such things as curiosity, non- judgment, and respect for all people? And can a system prohibit the use of any language which degrades, embarrasses, or discourages anyone patronizing an establishment?  And, by the way, why would we want to have a system in place that creates anything other than respect at worst, and raving fans at best? Who in their right mind wants anyone walking away from them pi**ed off? 

In a world where so-called health care is becoming increasingly digitized, commoditized, industrialized, and corporatized, do we in private practice really want to follow that model? Do we want to behave like an industry that pursues profits first or like a PROFESSION that serves people in order to generate profits? Can we differentiate ourselves by structuring ourselves to embrace people and not embarrass them? Can we work hard to first and foremost express a bit of kindness when we inform or advise our people of things which they may not enjoy hearing but will serve them well? And can we formulate systems that look and act like we need others every bit as much as they need us?  

Parenthetically, I have noticed a lot of condescending language in many of our online communities. I have seen dentists disparaging patients and those who work with them. I have heard more stories of dentists and others in the dental community using outright destructive language towards one another. Nothing good comes of this stuff. NOTHING AT ALL. Do we really need to prove that we know more than the next digital questioner and beat them down or do we have the courage and humility to try to prove that we can help a colleague or just another human being with needs, wants, curiosities, aspirations, and feelings as best we can?

Ladies and gentlemen, think of a time when you were feeling scared, frustrated, insecure, and stressed. What did you need at those moments? And how did you feel about anyone who displayed callous disregard for your problem? Conversely, how do you remember those who embraced your issue and guided you through it gently? And finally, how would you like to be regarded by people who encounter you? Think about this next time you want to lash out at a colleague or approach that patient or team member who (seems to) give you a hard time but really just needs a bit of TLC?

I am forever grateful to the people of Atlantic Medical Imaging for their attitude and competence. I would not even think about going anywhere else for radiologic tests. As to the DMV and the liquor store….. well…. I’m mad as hell but I will not give their attitude to ANYONE. 

Be kind. Be a healer. Be a source of goodness. 

And have a wonderful week!